3rd September 2007 is the day that turned my life upside down.
From being a fully able bodied, extremely independent 25 year old. Who loved to run around the hockey pitch, zoom around in my sports car and dance until my feet were sore, to blind and a T6 paraplegic.
My body thought it would be fun to attack itself, giving me an auto immune illness that put me in hospital for 6 months and changing the world as I knew it.
Looking back over the past 12 years, I see how much I have grown as a person, how through this massive trauma I still came out fighting. The doctors even told my family there was no hope, I was never getting out of hospital, therefore prepare for the worst. Thinking about that now, how awful for them to be hearing those words, how cruel that the world would have them think that could happen.
But ahhhh ha not to me, no siry a little blindness and paralysis ain’t gonna put me down.
The past 12 years have been challenging for sure, the ups are up and the downs can be darker than blindness itself, the downs can appear at the strangest of times. But I’ve realised that the downs and dark times are here to show me something, teach me a lesson so I can be better, stronger, more capable than I was before.
Yes it’s hard being so very reliant on others each and everyday, I haven’t left the house on my own in 12 years, no popping out to the shops, jumping in my car or going for a walk, doing all the little things that came so easily back then and I completely took for granted. To now having to find patience (when I’m not a patient person), be on someone else’s time and rely on them for help.
I’m Kind, loving, I would do anything for anyone, I’m efficient, organised, I’m a good cook and I love it too. My house is beautiful and works for my needs. I love to meditate, do Qigong and move my body as much as is possible. I have to aim to see the positives in everything to ensure I stay aligned with me, with who I am and my soul purpose.
If I’m honest Im not the biggest fan of being in my wheelchair, but I have learnt to accept it. I know it doesn’t help with the paralysis and blindness, having both makes me less independent. If had to choose between the visual impairment and the chair I’d say give me the visual impairment all day long, I’d love to have my legs back, at least then I could walk outside, ramble across the countryside with my dog, go on holiday at the very last minute without having to check every little detail before booking. These are small frustrations and in all fairness I do manage, I don’t wallow in self pity or say why me, because why not me!!
I’m lucky to have the life I have, my wonderful husband, the adventures we create and the beautiful life we live together
Its understandable to get upset and frustrated at times, but it has helped me learn, grow and understand who I am and where I want to be.
The doctors said I would never get out f hospital, well 12 years on how I have proved them wrong. Initially I dropped down to 5.5stone then due to steroids ballooned up to 18stone,
I’ve worked hard to release this weight and make me a comfortable 10.5stone, I’ve gone from completely blind to being able to wear glasses, that make a little bit of difference. I was a T6 and recent scans show now Ive moved down to T4 and there’s s little movement in my hips, I’ve taken myself off all the pain medication as I find it easier to manage rather than the suffer from side affects from all the drugs I was poisoning my body with. Small but not insignificant changes. I truly believe that my mindset and focus, especially in the past couple of years has supported these changes. I’ve worked hard on what I eat, working out, meditation, journaling the list goes on, my self help tool box is overflowing and I’m open to receive more.
I know by having goals, aspirations and working on myself to love who I am and find my path will keep me pushing on for many more years.
I am strong, I am able and I can do anything, I just might need to do it a little differently.
And I’ve accepted that this, this is me.